


give it all

by soltryce (soaringswallow)



Series: Childhood Lost - The Blumenthal Drei [4]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, This one isn't, Trent Ikithon comes with his own trigger warning, anyway this is non descriptive but there's still some bad stuff in it, that succubus calling caleb pretty was not fair, yo remember how the last one was happy?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-21 14:16:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18143294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soaringswallow/pseuds/soltryce
Summary: Bren is the most charismatic one. The prettiest one. And he is a weapon, with every fiber of his being.(this is non descriptive but it's also not vague on what's going on so... idk, you might want a strong stomach to read this?)** all works in this series can be read independently**





	give it all

**Author's Note:**

> i'm delving into some of the more icky territory here  
> though i still don't think this is unrealistic, considering everything we know so far  
> also bren is an unreliable narrator and i want to protect him from all evil (but i can't, so instead i am the evil)

“Stop overthinking it,” Astrid scolds from where she’s sitting on his bed, fingertips covered in red pigment that she carefully traces along the shape of her lips. “I’ve done this half a dozen times and it was never that bad.”

Bren smooths out his hair one last time and frowns at himself in the mirror. He doesn’t question why Astrid knows what’s going on in his head. She always does.  
“It’s different with you. You are…”

Astrid arches a brow. “A woman?”

She’s not, he almost says. In the same way that he isn’t quite a man yet.

“Stronger than me,” he admits after a moment, because it’s the truth.  
Astrid has always been the most stoic, the most resilient. Bren is skinny and slight and while his mind is strong and he never hesitates, he sometimes crashes down hard after.

Astrid’s face softens, and she gets up to join him in front of the mirror. Gentle fingers press his chin up, and he straightens his posture immediately.  
“You and I are both servants of the Empire. It won’t ever be easy for us, but isn’t it worth it?”

Of course it is. Of course.  
But Bren is still worried. Scared, even. “I just…” He wants to say that he’s a soldier, but he thinks of his father and shakes his head. That’s not really what they are. 

Him, Astrid and Wulf are… everything they need to be. Willing to give it all for the Empire.  
They are soldiers and hunters and infiltrators. They’re interrogators and executioners and even diplomats. They’re pretty faces and wide smiles and bloody hands and heavy shoulders. They’re rows upon rows of tiny cuts and crystal shards.

Astrid is cupping his face in her hands now, and she’s stepped in front of him, blocking his view of the mirror. “You’ll do great, Bren,” she whispers, “You always do. Just remember our cause. Remember that you’re serving the greater good.”

She kisses him, slow and gentle, leaning all of her weight into him, and he sighs as he melts into her.

How lucky he has been to have her all this time. How lucky to be able to serve and still find love. To have her by his side, strong and steady, a rock that he can cling to if he needs it.  
And Eodwulf, at his other side, with his unwavering loyalty, and the way his mind twists and turns to give them all a different perspective every once in a while.

When he becomes their leader, he will keep them close. The three of them together can achieve anything. They can root out the traitors within the Empire and bring peace and safety to everyone.

But this… tonight is a task that Bren has to do on his own.

He pulls away from Astrid, and when he sees himself in the mirror again, his lips are stained red.

~

Lady Thespen took the bait without any real effort on Bren’s part. A few well-placed smiles, a compliment here and there… she is clay in his hands.

It’s quite possible that they’re wrong because she seems too dim and shallow to be part of an underground rebellion.

But this is not an interrogation.

Bren carries two glasses of wine over to where she’s standing, looking quite nice in her lavender colored dress, blonde hair elegantly braided and secured on top of her head. She’s in her early thirties, but she doesn’t look it.

Still, she’s no Astrid.

He wonders if this would feel any less like cheating if Lady Thespen was old and ugly, like some of the men that Astrid has been sent out to get close to.  
He never minded, and he told her as much, but now that the roles are reversed, he understands her feelings.

“This night is starting to get quite dull,” he remarks as he hands the lady her drink, “All the interesting guests are starting to leave already.”

Lady Thespen laughs and puts a hand on his arm. Bren has to resist the urge to pull away, but that’s gotten easier over the course of the night.  
“But you are still here, dear Bren. There is no one more interesting than you.”

He gives her a smile and hides his face in his wine glass, pretending to blush.

She’s kind. He could even like her, if she wasn’t a suspect. If she wasn’t a target.

“Perhaps it is time for me to leave as well, then,” he muses. He knows that Astrid and Eodwulf are still discreetly keeping an eye on them, and he doesn’t want them to be bound by duty much longer. They could go out into town and have some fun before they’re expected back to report.

“Oh, no…” Lady Thespen’s pout would fit the face of a toddler much better, and Bren can’t help a small chuckle.

“You are very welcome to join me, milady. What was it you mentioned earlier about having a cup of tea in your quarters?”

At that, she beams, and she takes a proper hold of his arm. “Let us go now, before it gets too late. It would be a shame if I had to wake someone to serve it.”

Bren disposes of the half emptied wine glasses and escorts her out of the room.

Just when the big double doors close behind them, he heard Eodwulf’s voice in his head.  
_‘Well done. We’ll see you in the morning, Fünkchen.’_

And he’s left to his work.

~

The entire affair with Lady Thespen takes nearly three months of “sneaking out” every couple days to see her.

There’s meetings where they play chess and drink sparkling wine and don’t do much else. There’s late nights that leave Bren feeling a little lost but all the more glad to come home to Astrid. There’s conversations about all kinds of trivial topics.

Until finally, finally she approaches the subject of the Empire.  
Bren plays his part well. First shocked, and then thoughtful, sharing his own doubts that he rehearsed with his friends many times. That he understands, even though they’re unimportant in the big picture.

And she gets excited that he shares her views. They talk a lot, that night, until they’re both too tired to do anything but collapse into bed.

Bren puts his arms around her, kisses the nape of her neck, and smiles.

Tomorrow he’ll be able to report all this to Trent. He won’t have to see her anymore.  
It’s a little sad, really. It’s hard to spend so much time with someone and not get attached. But she is a traitor, and Bren doesn’t love her.  
Not like she loves him, like she whispered before falling asleep, so much affection in her eyes.

She’s a deceitful snake, but even snakes have a little bit of love in them, he thinks.

It’s only two weeks later that he sees her hanging from the gallows in the center of Rexxentrum, her neck broken and her eyes hollow.

He feels the ghost of her lips on his, her touch on him, and he reaches out for Astrid’s hand.

Once more, he has made Trent proud.


End file.
